It's already a red flag that OP wasn't anymore genuinely excited and happy about the proposal. It felt so reductive. It's nothing about the actual wedding/marriage that is wrong. He sounds very pragmatic. So we got married in Vegas. Happy Wedding Planning to all my fellow brides, and remember, it all ends with a beautiful celebration of your love for one another! Its meaning became the battle cry of an impoverished people, who were relying on the charismatic, newly-inaugurated Roosevelt to lead them through the valley of the Great Depression. You may or may not have a moment before the wedding. I'm sure he didn't think you look like crap. Thanks girls for sharing your knowledge and opinion with me. Perhaps I am being overly rational and should go with my gut, but I am afraid of making a mistake. It's a chance to learn to recover from a stupid fight as a couple and to ignore unwanted parent comments about your relationship. Look, dont listen to the other commenters. But I need someone to show that they want me for me, that they're not just using me to chase the idea of being in a relationship. Wed been together for two years and talked about marriage fairly regularly and practically. I didn't want to wear a dress. For example, Im from the East Coast, we met in California, and I instantly felt trapped out West. Choices about flowers, colors, and dresses are far smaller than deciding to commit to a person, but they've opened a conversation about what my fianc and I want things to look like and how, now, we'll make choices big and small together. So what? People so often get so caught up in planning "my big day" that they forget what it's really about or the commitment they're making. My maid of honor is my best friend but she is in some sort of weird depression and not being helpful or really even excited we got engaged.. My future MIL is so judgemental and doesn't really like me, pretty sure none of his family does. You never want to be away from their side. This guy clearly thought about it and had a plan. The wedding day could very well be my own line in the sand, one Im ready for this time, and one on the other side of which Ill have someone else legally obligated to panic right alongside me. If you're anything like me, winter break is a much-needed light at the end of the tunnel after a long, stressful semester. Enjoy the fact that your daughter has found her true love. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional. We got back together but he continued to see the other girl on occasion. I want to be happy, to want to run home from work because I can't wait to see the person I am involved with. Sure, but their judgments are their problem, not mine. So right now youre thinking the same thing that all of those people who give me the most amazing reaction faces are thinking, right? ", Songs About Being 17Grey's Anatomy QuotesVine Quotes4 Leaf CloverSelf Respect, 1. Perhaps he was thinking of just getting down on a knee and asking you to marry him during a private moment and is afraid you won't consider it good enough. Clare Regelbrugge, University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, Sign in to comment to your favorite stories, participate in your community and interact with your friends. Enjoy a date night with your future spouse, or go on a weekend getaway if you can. It's not that I don't love my fiance wildly, or that I'm not elated about spending my life with him. However with in the last two weeks his brother and his girlfriend have gotten engaged and announced they are pregnant with their second child [dating 18 months], days after his sister and her boyfriend announced their engagement [dating 11 months]. But, after 4 years with him, and knowing I want to put up with his crap forever, I figured I'd take it and be happy. Not really. I think. So stop focusing on something that you can't change and start focusing on something that you can, like your attitude about your engagement. He never got on one knee, didn't have a nice speech, and he didn't even ask me to marry him. I was ecstatic that he proposed. Has to be a mutual decision, but she can still be excited about the idea of it. Have you ever considered if there are other fish in the sea? I am so excited for our wedding day and every day after that because it means that I get to have my best friend as my husband. Of course I love my fianc and I am excited that we are getting married but my wedding doesn't seem real. I am also so thankful for my amazingly supportive family. No matter how many times people tell me not to stress about it, I have a really hard time not stressing because I still want to be involved in planning my wedding. I had another surge of happiness after the wedding eating cake on our bed, and again in the morning when we had breakfast with our friends. It measures how engaged users are with your product and is expressed as a monthly and daily active users ratio. 5. I think this whole thing was just a miscommunication. Try again. This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator. Between COVID resurgences, billionaire takeovers of social media, and whatever t, Its officially winter: Do you know what you and your partner are doing for the holidays? Neither is happy about the situation. I would also like to add that it is okay to be slightly bummed if the proposal didn't go down the way you had thought it would. We were thinking of a Summer 2012 wedding, with a year to plan. We lived together for about two years when he proposed, but I couldn't answer yes or no. You're kind, smart, and financially independent but you still can't seem to attract a high-quality guy. I was proposed to while wearing a Fraggle costume. The question that my fianc and I dread the most: Aren't you just so excited to be getting married/planning your wedding/etc. I don't think I will get a second chance at a do-over. I do want to point out I love my fiance and we have been through some ups and downs these past few months and he was always by my side which I truly appreciate. But I can kind of see why he may be thinking it. because winter is seeping through the door. And some of you are probably also thinking that Im not grateful to be at this stage in my life. I posted this in r/relationship_advice, but I only got a few responses and I'm interested in r/relationships' opinion! 2023 Cond Nast. "This is the most exciting time in you life." For a few days we celebrated and even took a little sailing trip to the British Virgin Islands, and I almost went cross-eyed from staring at that diamond up close. I think when we go get our marriage license that will be a thing. You will most likely feel more excited when it gets closer and more things fall into place. But we've learned to understand each other's expectations so the hurt feelings/irritation doesn't happen anymore. Kristen Haddox, Penn State University4. Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar. Reason number one for why I am excited about marriage is for the opportunity to love one person as my wife. Photo Credit: Mads Perch / Getty / Jocelyn Runice. I just think it doesn't feel/ seem real yet. He foresaw his impeachment and decided to resign instead, though not truly admitting his guilt. He had months. We'll get there. Also the whole "my mother not being happy about my engagement" really hurted me, I cried for a whole day and it basically sucked out all my excitement and happiness about the whole engagement. 4. There's no reason to feel guilty because you're feeling a little distracted and overwhelmed. It was shocking to even consider being miserable at a time like this. The pain I felt listening to her voicemails left on my phone, hearing her for the last time telling me that she loved me. on April 9, 2016 at 12:21 PM I feel guilty because I just want to get it over with already. And let me be a bit shallow here -- there is not much physical attraction either (maybe I'm just messed up in that department). Focus on the things you find enjoyable and your priorities, then try to delegate the remaining tasks. If OP comes back and says she's over the disappointment and thrilled, then wonderful. Seriously, that's great for you that you're not single. Its not wrong to want to move forward with your life, and its not wrong to want him to be just as excited as you are. Say something like, "We're so excited just being engaged right now. I live with FH and have been for over a year so I've been more than ready. So you're in your PJs, your hair is a mess and you don't have a stitch of make-up on, plus ya'll just got in a fight and he's still saying he'd like to sign onto this for forever? Even if youre fine with your relationship status during the rest of the year. I was still in high school and had gone through some very bad experiences in my life that made it difficult to be around men in general, but we hung out a lot and had a lot in common. My fianc and I went shopping twice together, picked out the ring together, bought the ring together, picked up the ring together when it came back from being resized. Take a step back and think about why you are concerned. This felt distinctly bad. I'm sorry your mom isn't excited for you; we all are! The night before as I was driving home I thought about my mom. We haven't always succeeded, buthe's my main support. I'm not excited about marrying him We chat at 1. I think you are focusing too much on the actual proposal and not thinking about the fact that you are engaged (yay!) Stickiness is one of the main metrics to measure product engagement and identify areas of weakness. I couldn't give him a reason as to why I was breaking up. Google sunken fallacy. This guy took me back after I screwed up and I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have. I mean you really didn't have the best reaction to when he proposed. When my FI proposed, I was sweaty and in yoga pants, a tank top and sneakers. Plan your wedding wherever and whenever you want on the WeddingWire App. The easiest way to save yourself from a painful divorce after years or decades of a miserable marriage is to not get married if you are not absolutely certain you want to. While I wouldn't put too much stock in the fairy tale proposal, I would expect the man you've been dating for 5+ years and who wants to spend the rest of his life with you should know your level of sentimentality and, when he "misses" is a little apologetic, and not accusatory. She said she's not excited but she's not sad, it's a different feeling of her first child getting engaged. The 42-year-old reality superstar was married to 'Stronger' rapper Kanye, from 2014 until 2021 and has children North, nine, Saint, six, Chicago, four and three-year-old Psalm with him but following the news that he had tied the knot with Bianca Censori in an unofficial ceremony last week, she is reportedly staying "focused" on . was the most overwhelming week. I do not know if love him the way I should. They can plan their lives accordingly and grow comfortable before taking the leap. It might come before you walk down the aisle, it might come when the night is over. That felt childish, and Im officially an adult now. MrsHunter I kind of feel like that a lot too. If you cant find out why he delayed then you wont be able to let go of that resentment, and if you cant let go of that resentment youll never be happy in the relationship. One day at a time, one beautiful piece by piece, they put together their new life according to their ideal image. So, yeah, be happy you're engaged, but perhaps you both need to acknowledge your potential differences and understand how you'll have to reconcile those in the future. Hopefully after my shower and bachelorette and once it's actually May? This leads me to the 'Wed Shred'. Youre never going to date the coworker you secretly, drunkenly made out with at your first job. Don't be afraid to keep things classic and traditional if that will simplify things for you. I have a slightly different take on it. He speaks of the possibility of an early death of his; the speech is truly prophetic, as MLK was assassinated the very next evening. I promise I'm not the most cynical person in the worldcheck out what I have to say! Is it just hanging out or is it more than hanging out? Being with my favorite girls getting ready, marrying the man of my dreams, and having a huge party with everyone I love celebrating with me. You can't stop thinking about them. He needs to figure out why he never did it. There are tons of women who only care about the wedding, as opposed to the actual marriage, and we all know what results from that don't we? I've been in a relationship for 10 years with a truly great person. Now, Im with someone who wanted to propose and so he did, not one sad conversation had to be had. It is not even intentional pressure it is just the comments like, "when are you getting married?" Fierce and true the first winter night sneaks in. Some people care too much about the party and not enough about what it celebrates - the marriage - which is usually not okay. Stressing out not slepping good at night.Felling so tired not knowing if it was really worth it.But on Wensday i went to try on my dress its been custome made. I said yes. I actually see where you are coming from. But spending an entire month bored out of your mind can make you actually miss college (mostly just your friends and going out on weekends). Not everyone will be happy. And I would like to add that I think simple proposals that come out of no where, like yours, are sweeter and more special and even more surprising then one's that are done after a long day of over the top romantic gestures. I thought it was a normal gift (looked nothing like a ring box) and when I opened it I thought it was a joke, he didn't say anything, he didn't kneelhe just looked at me and said if I wanted to be with him. The characters written do not match the verification word. I didn't want a big wedding with lots of people (but my fiance did) and wasn't excited about a lot of aspects of that either. Honestly, I see some red flags in your post, on both of your parts. Is it bliss? Are you so excited? Isnt it incredible?. I'm sad it's over, but it was so amazing. You will notice that there are no female speakers; hopefully, this will change as time, and society, wanes on. Youre never going to go to your 10-year high school reunion and rekindle the flame with that lacrosse player who teased you, but by now will have Instagram stalked you and realize how cute youve become. I do think this makes a difference. It's going to be messy. Its not about a big proposal, its about being on the same page. Now I thought, God Ill never get back there. I do understand that is wasn't perfect but the question was asked and she said yes. This is bullshit. Red flags to look out for are your partner: not setting a date or continually pushing the date off and not wanting to talk about the wedding at all, she says. we retreat to be with ourselves without nature. Maybe that's why my standards tend to be higher than societal standards. Get Our Wedding Planner App On Your Mobile Device. You sound a little dreamy (I am, too). I kinda feel like I have been putting on a front to people. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Well let me start off explaining how I got engaged and maybe that can also help you girls see clearly where I come from or correct me if I am exaggerating. We met through mutual friends and hit it off. Congrats!! I've been ready to get engaged since year 3 of our relationship, and even though B expressed his desire to get married someday, he just didn't take the steps to propose. - Think about the parts of the wedding you are excited about, whether that's your first dance, the cake, or even your honeymoon. Once he realized that this guy really was going to be around forever, he started giving him more of a chance, making an attempt at getting to knowhim,and started liking him more. Thanks! My parents are putting up the money, his only want to pay for the grooms dinner. Seeing my father cry while writing his Eulogy about my mom was painful. Its inevitable that something is going to be imperfect. But it's not important to me" and "I don't want this". To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. Are you exchanging gifts? Be happy for her. Thank you girls for all the advice. "Um, so,will you" in a cold parking lot is not my idea of a romantic proposal. Get out now. 7 Sponsored by Primal Labs The 4 Worst Blood Pressure Drugs. It shouldn't be a common thing for people to try and decipher texts with the help of friends or, in other cases, with the help from people on the internet. Especially when youre in your twenties and suspect you're lagging behind in so many ways, but theres a ring on your finger that tells you, very loudly, that youd better hurry the heck up already. But loosing your mom makes you appreciate and love your father so much more than you ever had. Youre never going to have another first kiss, period. That's not what should be important. She's posting here because she's not happy. There, I said it. I think maybe the day before if you are having a rehearsal will make it exciting again. I adore FI, but these feelings are normal. Do be careful throughout wedding planning that you don't get too caught up in how things are "supposed" to go or what you had imagined. My FI and I run up against this on birthdays (which I blow WAY out of proportion) and getaway weekends. I'm super excited for the wedding and the marriage, but on days I'm not excited I just think about the day. Isnt wedding planning just so exciting? You shouldn't stay with someone because you're afraid of the unknown. I found out about this other girl and became afraid to lose him and spent a month trying to get him back. It's fine. And then the guilt hits. I want to be giddy with excitement about getting engaged. Gabby Bassett Nov 23, 2015 University of Georgia The longer I have been engaged the more often I seem to get this question. And forever is terrifying. What Is More Important: Who You Become Or How You Become It? There, I said it. Even though I couldnt muster much enthusiasm to get the whole wedding train moving, as soon as I did a few little things like pick a season for the event and which bridesmaids I want by my side, the weight seemed lighter. not excited to be engaged. Fighting about all of this is a big no no!! ETA (freaking paragraphs) One woman shares what some others won't: getting engaged is scary sometimes. But if your girlfriend feels differently , try approaching the problem from a different angle. Find wedding inspiration that fits your style with photos from real couples, Sit back and relax with travel info + exclusive deals for the hottest honeymoon destinations, To unblock this content, please click here. JFK mentions the ages-old "I am a citizen of Rome," relating it to democratic Germany instead. I mean, at the moment when the person you love proposes (regardless of how he proposes) the last thing you should be worried about is your hair and and makeup and outfit. You can have a countless number of father figures in your life, but really as my mom always said, " you only get one mom.". One of my close married friends who had an enviable dating life in New York recently admitted that she felt getting engaged was akin to a death. Please keep all rude comments to youself. I didnt want to plan anything. Don't make the assumption that you will be asked to foot a big bill. Mention money. I stand by what I said. He presented her with one of those "we're engaged, now shut the fuck up about it" rings. I refused to help pay off this loan (we had combined finances) if there was no future and two months of fighting later, he proposed to me quietly at a restaurant. We all have a different experience. 1. - Take time off from wedding planning. The horrible stress wasnt about picking the right guy. SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. She called the early stages of being a fiance a mourning period because you have to say goodbye to someone you used to be. I'm getting married in 49 days and I'm not excited!! "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. I feel like I shouldn't complain. What is important to me is that it was personal and the fact that we were actually getting married - not the proposal itself. That's an amazing thing. I was at the mall with my boyfriend of five years. You all have no idea how much I need too hear all of these kind words and have so much support. It depends, says Rose Hartzell, PhD, Not everyone cares about centerpieces or any other detail that goes into a wedding. Its not fair to complain to him that your friends are proposing why not us because then he feels forced to propose before hes ready. In Response to : There is a big difference between getting married and having a wedding. But once I actually started, I loved it!! I was like what?! Here are four reasons why I am excited to be a married man. I'm worried people will think I'm not excited to marry my FH! Make time for (or schedule if you find that helpful) alone time doing things completely unrelated to your wedding. The end. But when I did, the wedding planning or wedding didn't excite me. Then, of course, you get the advice of your friends to decipher this text. I wonder if this relationship could be one of these getting-married-because-everyone-around-us-tells-us-to. Reply VIP July 2016 I've saved those voicemails on every single thing I could think of so I would never loose them. An original poem to remind you that you will get through whatever winter you're going through. The money, his and mine are the same page he foresaw his impeachment and decided resign... Conversation had to be higher than societal standards our marriage license that simplify! ( which I blow way out of proportion ) and getaway weekends four reasons why am... 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